Trip Day 1: a live blog from Wells to Fort Morgan, Colorado.

We're driving about 12 hours today, so I think I'll kick off this trip log with a some live-blog action. Enjoy.

12:01 a.m. – Go to bed. We’re supposed to leave at 3 a.m. so we can make it to Fort Morgan, CO to have dinner with my mom’s Aunt Norma.

4:27 a.m. – wake up. Shower. Pack PS3.

5:40 a.m. – Take a few minutes to look at the house before hitting the road. I’m feeling a little sad about leaving, and I sort of wish my dog were there.

5:48 a.m. – leave Wells only to realize that I have left electric razor at home, turn back and get it while parents wait at gas station.

5:55 a.m. – Attempt to leave Wells again only to realize that mom forget to put important letters in the mail. Turn back again to go to post office.

6:00 a.m. Finally leave Wells, three full hours behind schedule.

6:15 a.m. - Mom is driving five miles below the speed limit. I am annoyed. On another note, I have made a 583-song playlist to accompany me on the trip. It’s an eclectic mix of country, classic rock, new rock, 80s, hip-hop, straight oldies and electro/club. As is my custom, we’re starting with “Back Where I Come From” by Kenny Chesney. All you country haters can fuck right off.

6:30 a.m. – We’re a little country heavy on the shuffle right now. Nothing kills a good playlist faster than an uneven mix. This concerns me.

6:37 a.m. – “Start Me UP” by the Rolling Stones starts…three minutes of head shaking and pelvic thrusting ensue.

6:58 a.m. – Alright, the iPod just sandwiched “Big Papa” between “Stairway to Heaven” and “When the Levee Breaks” and then followed up a couple songs later with “In the Evening” (best Zep song ever). We’re good to go.

7:00 a.m. – We just drove through Wendover, meaning I’m officially out of Nevada. There’s a trailer park on the right, which makes me think about what my intro song would be if I were a professional wrestler. My song would have to have some sort of dramatic intro to announce my presence with authority, then get heavy. But I’m also not a big metal fan, so that creates quite the conundrum. I think I’d go with “Welcome Home” by Coheed and Cambria or Blue Orchid by the White Stripes. I’m also a big fan of "Lux Aeterna" from "Requiem for a Dream," perhaps with some sort of electronic remix beat. “What If?” is playing on the iPod, and it actually has the proper dramatics. But, you know, it’s Creed, so it wouldn’t really work. On a similar note, how the hell did a Creed song make my playlist? That must be corrected.

Trailer parks also make me think about NASCAR. I’m not a big fan of the Super Left Turn Circuit, but I have to wonder why there’s no No. 69 car. With the NASCAR crowd being what it is, I’d the think the merch sales would be ridiculously lucrative.

7:03 - the mountains disappear, a general malaise befalls me.

7:07 – Mom starts signaling to pull off at a rest stop approximately one hour into trip. Consider continuing on without parents before grudgingly hitting the brakes and pulling in.

7:15 a.m. – decide it’s in my best interests to be drunk by the time my parents drop their car off at the airport in Salt Lake City. I will drink every time there is a tree.

8:45 a.m. (time change) – realize there are no trees west of SLC.

10 a.m. – ACDC's “Hell’s Bells” starts playing just as I pull into SLC and the Temple is coming into view. It is unquestionably obvious that my iPod and I are on the same page.

10:05 a.m. – We have consolidated cars, meaning my mother and I are in close quarters. I love the women, but bitter arguments are now inevitable. I predict they will center on my ability to operate an automobile.

10:06 a.m. – Dad’s driving….nappy nap time.

10:30 a.m. – Scratch the nap, mom needs socks so we’re stopping at a factory outlet in Park City, of 2002 Winter Olympics fame. I have to pee anyway. On a bright note, there is a new Ralph Lauren outlet. If I had the time and space in my car, I would go nuts.

11:01 a.m. – Nap time – engage.

12:06 p.m. – My nap is over and we are driving through Wyoming. Dad is holding it down at the wheel. Mom informs me that she packed fruit for the road. Damn, she’s smart. I’m glad I slept through most of Utah. After looking at the Wyoming terrain, however, I have nothing to report.

12:15 p.m. – ham sandwich and fruit for lunch.

1:20 p.m. – Pee stop No. 3. We have stopped in Rock Springs for gas. $1.85/gallon. I’ve been wondering all morning who Obama’s running mate will be, so I run into the store to see if it’s on TV. Sure enough, it is, and what’s more, there’s almost nobody in front of this TV as most of the truckers have congregated in front of TV showing some sort of racing. Obama picked Biden. I’m sort of surprised. I like Biden. My parents actually love Biden. I was sort of hoping for the rockstar pick of Caroline Kennedy. I like Biden, but I wonder how much added appeal he’ll add at the ballot booth. Then again, We’re talking about Barack Obama. He doesn’t need any more appeal.

1:25 p.m. – There’s any extremely plus-sized woman two pumps over trying to get something out of her pickup bed. She has one of those hardtops for her bed and she’s trying to crawl under it, except that she gets stuck right about the hips. I’m not sure whether I want to laugh or cry.

1:30 p.m. – My turn to drive…time to put the hammer down.
2:05 p.m. – Argument No. 1. We made it a whole half hour, but mom finally gets annoyed about my staying in the passing lane too long. I point out that there is a stream of semis in the right line pretty much all the way to the horizon. She tells me that in some states it’s legal to stay in the passing lane for more than a half mile. I tell her I think she made that up. Bad decision.

2:12 p.m. – Argument No. 2, although this one is decidedly more playful. This times we’re arguing over what constitutes a mountain. My mom says that Elk Mountain’s elevation makes it a mountain. I argue that it’s height from the valley floor makes it Elk Big Hill.

2:15 p.m. – “Satisfaction” starts playing, more pelvic thrusting ensues.

3:00 p.m. – We pass an adult arcade in the middle of nowhere. It is advertised with a tarp hanging from an old school bus that says “Adult Arcade 1 mile. No kids allowed.” I want to explore what I’m sure is a high-class establishment, but I can’t get over in time to make the exit.

4:20 p.m. – Pull over in Laramie so mom can stretch out her back.

4:25 p.m. – Mom takes the wheel, let the mayhem begin.

4:40 p.m. – We just entered the foothills of the Rockies. Now the landscape is incredibly beautiful. The plains have turned into rolling hills with forested outcroppings poking up here in there. Gorgeous.

5:20 p.m. – THE DARKNESS….I Believe in a Thing Called Love. Initiate backseat hair metal sequence.

5:24 p.m. – complete backseat hair metal sequence with great satisfaction. Parents appear both puzzled and disturbed.

6:30 p.m. – Make it to Fort Morgan. Time for dinner and sleep.