And the facial hair shall return

My beard is not dead, just on hiatus.

After going baby-faced about a week ago, I received a public outpouring of grief, dismay, and general derision. You'd think I killed Ellen Degeneres' puppy by shaving off a couple hairs.

Don't worry, I didn't have the siph, I'm not dabbling in the art of self-mutilation, and my beard didn't have any substance abuse problems that required rehab. There's a simple explanation for my antics.

One, I had just seen Sweeney Todd, which is bloody fantastic, and felt compelled to grab a quick shave.

More importantly, however, I hadn't shaved my goatee in almost a year and the curtains didn't match the carpet. The hair on my goatee was red while the rest of the beard was definitively brown.

The hair was also getting a little shabby, which risked reducing my ability to walk down a street without being asked if I needed a bowl of soup to about zero.

And for those of you who never felt the joy of or who are unable to grow a beard - I'm looking at you, Alex - there's no easy way to groom the goat and save the beard.

So after seconds of heartfelt deliberation I came to the decision that I had to go without facial hair for a couple weeks in order to maintain the pristine, testosterone-loaded reputation that my beard has achieved in recent years.

Upon further reflection, it might have been the worst decision of my life.

Where once my beard was a beacon of awesomeness and raw sexuality, capable of inspiring greatness in the down-trodden and returing fertility to barren women, in a world lacking both, now my face is bare and naked, exposed to the cruel, harsh reality of life.

Mostly, though, it's fucking cold outside without any facial hair.

I kept my beard all summer long despite the blistering heat of greater Phoenix only to shave the damn thing during the coldest part of winter. I went outside yesterday and literally thought I was about catch hypothermia of the jaw.

I'm an idiot.

From the iPod: "Baby Girl I'm a Blur" by Say Anything (Don't judge me)

Latest Movie: "Jerry Macguire"

Quote: JM: "I didn't shoplift the pootie...All right, I shoplifted the pootie."

Currently Reading: "Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, "Don't Me Think" by Steve Krug

Line of the day: "The Captain looked at Fermina Daza and saw on her eyleashes the first glimmer of wintry forst. Then he looked at Florentino Ariza, his invincible power, his intrepid love, and he was overwhelmed by the belated suspicion that it is life, more than death, that has no limits.
'And how long do you think we can keep up this goddamn coming and going?" he asked.
Florentino Ariza had kept his answer ready for fifty-three years, seven months, and eleven days and nights.
'Forever,' he said."